Greetings, comrades! The “Voice of the Eastern Border” has temporarily fallen victim to a biological attack (the flu), so today, Evita is taking over the microphone to translate Kristaps’s angry, feverish gesturing into a brand new episode.
While the Russian propaganda machine continues to broadcast imaginary victories, the reality on the ground—and in the supermarket—is telling a very different, much darker story.
In this episode:
🥒 The Cucumber Apocalypse: Why cucumbers are suddenly costing 500 rubles ($5) in St. Petersburg, how energy prices are destroying Russian agriculture, and the government’s hilarious advice to complain to the “Cucumber Union.”
👻 The Ghost Offensive: The Ukrainian Armed Forces have quietly retaken 12 settlements while Russian commanders continue to lie to Moscow about their “layer cake” positions to avoid Gerasimov’s wrath.
🚲 The “Runners” (Begunki): The “Digital Superpower” has devolved to using soldiers on stolen bicycles and combat donkeys to supply the zero-line, as the 30km drone kill-zone makes vehicles obsolete.
📡 Starlink & Telegram Chaos: How Gazprom’s replacement satellite terminals are price-gouging soldiers for 240,000 rubles, and how the Telegram slowdown is destroying Z-army fundraising.
⚖️ Justice for None: Admiral Kovalenko steals 600 million rubles and walks free with a tiny fine, while wounded soldiers with literal holes in their skulls are patched up and sent back to the meat grinder.
🇬🇧 The British Nightmare: Doom-monger Maxim Kalashnikov panics over a potential Baltic naval blockade of the “Grey Fleet” and outlines the terrifying “Last Escalation” plan to confiscate Russian citizens’ bank deposits to fund the war. Happiness is mandatory.
🚑 Car4Ukraine : https://car4ukraine.com/en-US/campaigns/christmas-tree-trucks-2025-the-eastern-border
Become our patron: https://www.patreon.com/theeasternborder
Merch store + another option for memberships: https://theeasternborder-shop.fourthwall.com/
Follow what’s going on here in the very border of Eastern Europe: https://bsky.app/profile/theeasternborder.lv
