Greetings, Comrades!
It finally happened. The Russian army has achieved its long-awaited dream of total independence from Western technology—by getting kicked off the server.
For four years, we’ve watched a nuclear power fight a twenty-first-century war using a subscription service they didn’t pay for. They bought chips from washing machines, drones from AliExpress, and their entire command-and-control infrastructure from Elon Musk via smugglers in Dubai.
But earlier this month, the billing department finally caught up with them.
In this new episode of The Eastern Border, we break down the “Double Tap” strike that has left the Russian military screaming into dead radios.
First came the “Kill Switch.” SpaceX finally implemented the “White List” protocol. If your terminal isn’t registered with the Ukrainian MoD, it’s a brick. Overnight, the “Grey Market” crashed, leaving Russian artillery blind and thousands of volunteers staring at expensive, white paperweights.
Then came the “Self-Inflicted Wound.” In a moment of bureaucratic genius, Roskomnadzor decided this was the perfect time to “slow down” Telegram to fight NATO narratives. In doing so, they accidentally jammed their own army’s only functional battle management system.
Inside this Dispatch:
- The Analog Gold Rush: Why ancient Soviet field phones are trading for the price of used cars in Rostov.
- The “Pink Pony” World: Dmitry Peskov claims it is “impossible to imagine” the army uses Telegram. The army begs to differ.
- Tactical Horror: How the “Baba Yaga” drones are picking off units because the “Sector Alert” chats won’t load.
- High Politics: The assassination of GRU General Alekseyev—proof that the “Time of Troubles” isn’t just a metaphor anymore.
The Red Lines have turned to Brown Lines. The subscription is cancelled. The store is closed.
Donate to the Ukrainian army:
https://car4ukraine.com/campaigns/christmas-tree-trucks-2025-the-eastern-border
YouTube version: https://youtu.be/xYLz0bSyPUc (Will become available in about an hour after publishing this. There is video there. With doggo.)
